In Our Memories Forever, And With Us ALWAYS

You are here
We still feel you.

In the nonchalant crevices of your sambalpuri sarees,
Or in the neatly folded blue shawl,
You are here,
We still feel you.

Resting in the left side of your bed
Or taking a sun bath in the balcony,
You are here,
We still feel you.

Either while eating from that ajwain box of yours,
Or wearing your slippers,
You are here,
We still feel you.

With that aromatic savour of the mutton curry,
Or that special mudhi paga that you used to make,
You are here,
We still feel you.

While staying up late at night,
Or designing dresses made from your sarees,
You are here,
We still feel you.

In every nook to every corner,
In every interior to all of the exterior,
You are here,
We still feel you.

People say, “You are gone forever”,
But we know,
You are here to stay,
Because we still feel you.

Here’s a heartfelt tribute to my grandma on her second death anniversary❤

Glorifying the Vermillion

With blood coming out from me, I became devastated,

Neither from a bruise nor from a cut,

But from a part that is wholly mine,

But from an organ that makes me feminine.

I didn’t feel like I was a 10-year old anymore,

Nor was I ready to welcome the sudden change,

My mother said “it’s normal”,

The world said “it defines you”.

With a piece of cotton stuck to my cloth,

And a sudden paralysed state of the lower body,

The seven days seems like forever,

The world seems like a nemesis.

With cramps and pimples

With a loss of appetite and constant fear of stain,

Consciousness engulfs me,

Paleness surrounds me.

But still I grow,

Just a 7-days thing doesn’t desolate me,

I fight,

And I fight,

I embrace,

And I smile,

I celebrate my menstruation,

I glorify my redness,

I celebrate my femininity.

Of Memories and Reminiscences

Dearest Baba

As I sit to write something about you, all the memories of all the days spent with you just come floating into my mind. I still remember how you used to start your day at 5 in the morning with your daily walk in the garden and morning tea. During my schooling period in Sambalpur, you used to stand and wait there till my vehicle comes and only after I leave for school, you will finish your errands.

With a breakfast at 8 and looking after patients till 11am, you continued this ritual till your last breath. Not being able to attend a patient disappointed you and that was why you cried that day in front of Mama as you were suffering from brain malaria and was unable to check on them. Maybe, that’s why we say that you were a DOCTOR of the PEOPLE. I recall when I used to come to Sambalpur during vacations and will be sleeping till 11 in the morning like a sloth bear (completely in contrast to your routine), you used to come and wake me up. Let me tell you, that was my favourite part of the vacations.

You had this ideology that lunch and dinner with grandchildren is a must accompanied with light-hearted jokes and giggles. Be it those debate competitions when I believed calling you before going to participate would help me win and no doubt that I used to bag a prize home or those early morning birthday wishes when you ensured that you be the first wisher for all the 16 years that I had with you – all these make me long for your presence more and more. Wishing me luck before every exam was a sacred ritual which we both followed devotedly and that indeed used to motivate me a lot.

Daily calls at 9pm, ordering outside food when at home, taking us to dine-outs, buying us new gifts, protecting us from getting scolded and above all being our greatest support system, I wish I could spend more time with you. For you, the happiness of your family was of paramount importance and for that reason only when we came to know that you celebrated your 71st birthday by having breakfast at France, lunch at Belgium and dinner at the Netherlands, our joy knew no bounds.

You and Mama always had a personality of royal importance but your down-to-earth nature still makes you the greatest and the most loved.
Today, on the occasion of your 79th birthday, I will simply tell that no matter you were a perfect son to your parents, loving husband to Mama, caring father to Badabapa, Bapa,Juli Nani, Mummy, Maa and Piusa (I would refrain from using the word father-in-law, because you were always more of a father to them than an in-law), wonderful brother to your siblings and an awesome uncle to your nephews and nieces, but, above all, you were the BEST GRANDFATHER we could ever get.

Thank you for being the WORLD’S BEST GRANDDAD.
HAPPY 79th Baba

Love

Adya

#beingbiophile

//Writer’s Block – Unblocked//

Hello everyone

Past few months had been very hard for me and my family. With the pandemic situation worsening to am uncertain career, I had to face existential crisis. Added to the above agony was the death of my grandmother few months back which not only devastated the entire family in a way but also paralysed my ability to write.

But, today, after days I have written a piece which would explain the journey of a writer who travelled the way of being devoid of words to write to finally writing a full-lenghth poem.

//Writer’s Block – Unblocked//
While being deeply engrossed,
In the world of slumber that I laid,
I saw you in my dreams,
I saw you in that world of utopia.

You were writing,
A poem or a musing,
Might be a song too,
But you were busy scribbling.

I asked you the topic,
A smiling face was the answer.
I persuaded you to clear the mystery,
You said “I don’t know”.

Awestruck that I became,
I ogled at you.
To which you said,
“Writing never needs a title, it just flows down”.

That was when I got the answer,
That was when I could sleep,
That was when I found the force,
That was when I decided to break the monotony,
And the next morning,
I simply took a pen and a notebook,
And started writing a random musing,
And it was when I could quench my thirst.

Thank You

Not Doing Something Purposeful

We the inhabitants of the globalised world are very much proud that we belong to the 21st century and we are the youth, future and what not. But let me ask all of us a question – Are we really happy? Are we happy chasing those dreams? Are we happy saving our money so that we can use in the future which of course no one knows about or has seen? Are we really happy saving that last bite of chocolate so that we can have it tomorrow?. To be very frank, I don’t know what you feel about all this but I am not happy.

It’s the 4th month of the famous lockdown going on and the other day I was wondering when was the last time I did something without a purpose. I know I will be judged because I am talking something about the most-controversial purposeless life. But, please, let’s give it a thought.

We all are so occupied with all these day-to-day ramblings and purposeful preoccupations that somewhere we have lost ourselves. For example, we earn money for the “perfect-livelihood” of our family; We study hard to secure good marks and get qualifying for a well-paid job only to earn money and secure “livelihood”; We buy an equipment for our house because we need it. Not to forget, we also do some things which we don’t like but for other’s happiness. I have proofs like a person whose complexion is dusky has to use fairness creams as society loves only white people. A girl is expected to be fully dressed and if she is not, our so-called social world will designate her to be a person of “mean-character” whose status is “readily-available”.

See, we are all so driven by these goals, aims, expectations, purposes in our life that we now hardly care what we want. There is a hell and heaven difference between want and need. I just want to say to you that it’s high time we have been tolerating all this. You don’t need to do anything. Just take 30 minutes or 1 hour from your 24 hours of goal-oriented life and spend some me-time. Do what you want to do and not something that you need to do during that time. See, we are all powerful in different ways. Let’s not waste it by sacrificing our desires. Let’s be fearless. Let’s raise our voice for ourselves.

#beingbiophile

वो पहली बारिश

आज फिर से तुम्हारे आने का एहसास हुआ था

यूं बादलों का गरजना 

 और मिट्टी का गीला होना

आज फिर से तुम्हारे आने का एहसास हुआ था ।

चाहे वो पक्षियों का खुशी से उड़ान भरने से 

या फूलों की मुस्कान से

या फिर किताबों के पन्नों से नाव ही क्यों न बनाने से

आज फिर से तुम्हारे आने का एहसास हुआ था ।

यूं खेतों का हरा-भरा होना

या फिर पेड़ों से आम का गिरना

या शाम की चाय के साथ पकौड़े खाना 

हां, तुम तो आ चुके थे ।

यूं तो मैं अपने आप को कहीं खो चुकी थी 

खुद से ही रूठ बैठी थी 

बस भागना चाहती थी 

पर तुम्हारे आने से कहीं न कहीं 

एक उम्मीद सी आई

खुशी से मैं फिर से झूमने लगी थी 

क्योंकि तुम्हारा आने से ही

 खुद से जो मैं प्यार कर बैठी थी ।

#beingbiophile

Quarantined

A cup of cutting Chai
And Khaled Hosseini’s “The Kite Runner”
I just rose from my slumber
Only to realize the pandemic rising.

Masked faces , roads deserted
With some cancelled transportation
And some panic-buying and Social-distancing
Our life has just arrived here to pause.

Turning on the TV
Only to find the exponential increase in the number of victims
And some unfortunate deaths and lost lives
Pessimism was all that was spreading.

With binge-watching “Little Things”
And listening to “Lag Jaa Gale”
Including some prevalent Ludo tournaments
I was somehow struggling to survive.

Devouring some Maa K haath ka Khaana
And enjoying golden stories of Ramayan
Including laughing to those episodes of Sarabhai ‘vs Sarabhai
Life was gradually adapting to the pace.

But still…. But still
As I was about to dive myself into sleep
Somewhere deep down, I wished
I wished for all those hugs that we took for granted
I longed for all those times when Chicken biryani was not a far-off thing
I craved for all those classes that I used to bunk and all those gossip sessions
I missed all those trips and dine-outs
I pined for all those moments when we fought for that last bite of chocolate
And finally I prayed for life to be back to normal.

#StayHome
#Staysafe
Let’s fight Corona

Image credits – Found on Google from Weheartit.com

Reminiscence

A small tribute to my maternal grandpa…. We miss you Baba

There you lay
Lifeless and motionless
On the floor of your room
Covered with a white shroud
And some offering of garlands and flowers .

There we were – your family and friends
Crying , inconsolable and all grief-stricken
Still trying to not believe
That you were gone forever
Free from the clutches.

There was Mama sitting beside you
Unable to accept
That with whom she was tied in a beautiful bond
Would be leaving her half-way
But making her stronger than ever.

Maa and Mamu, dumbstruck ,
Trying to cope up with the thing
And not ready to digest that
This Father’s Day
They won’t be able to wish you.

Then there were your brothers
And their better halves
Afraid of the tough time
The family is going through
Yet pretending to be bold.

Nephews and nieces
Sons-in-law and daughters-in-law
Silent, sitting on a desolate place
Remembering of all the times
That you were there guiding them.

We – your grandchildren
With our hearts shattered
Hiding our tears
Wondering helplessly now that
Who will respond to our call “Baba”.

With an ocean of tears
And with a heart filled with sorrow
We saw you leave
Away from us
To a world very far
Yet very near to our souls.

With watery-eyes
And a shivering body
We wished you a goodbye
Praying for your soul
To rest in eternal peace.
With the hope of meeting you
Now or later
Today or tomorrow.

The Essence of Ourselves

Hello Friends….. How are you all??? In this world of materialism, we often forget ourselves…forget our needs….forget our happiness….forget our importance in other people’s lives….and most importantly forget our self-esteem….

So, here I have written a small poem to describe the journey to the destination of self.

THE ESSENCE OF OURSELVES

Perplexed and bemused
Guided by the light of the moon
With a book in my hand
And my shadow being my companion
We walked and walked.

Through the wilderness
By the bank of the river
And through the haunted caves of the past
Along with the clouds in the sky
Our pace continued without any rest.

With a frightened brain
And trembling limbs
A rapidly beating heart
And a hopeful soul
We walked miles and miles.

Reached the destination
Tired and exhausted
But with a longing in our heart
Finally we got the elixir
And we got the essence of ourselves.

#beingbiophile

An Ode to My Younger Self

Hello People

Today, I have another new poem added to the list for you. This poem is a letter to my younger self; to the 10 year old me; to the personality I was 10 years before… This is a poem of self-introspection.

A Letter to My Younger Self

You are 10 and I, am 20;

You a grade-4th student and I, am a soon-to-be graduate girl who has just completed the second decade of her life;

You are struggling to score a 90% above in your term-end exams and I, to get into a good post graduation college.

Seems like we both are in the same boat…Right?

But No!…Yes, you heard me right.

It’s a No! There’s a difference my child.

You still continue to live in a world of dreams and the harsh realities of the world has knocked me down;

Stories of princesses fascinate you and their abduction trouble you;
But for me… An 8-point GPA makes me smile and the soaring high cut-offs make me stumble;

Sounds eccentric but it’s true..

You don’t worry coz you have time…

Yes, that’s what I was told when I was 12…

Who knew that by just pretending to be strong, I would grow up to become this strong now..

You fear punishments for not doing homework and I, fear detention for not being me..

Tooth-fairies continue to bring you gifts and just a pen bought from my money makes me happy…

You love to paint the world colourful and I, would prefer the black and white texture…

You cry for not being able to buy a Barbie doll and I, pacify myself for not being able to book a ticket back home…

The usual katti-mitti with friends terrorise you and heartbreaks make me strong-willed…

You just yell and cry in front of a lot of people and I, wait for the dark hours of night to make my tears flow down..

You are expected to score a 95% and I, am expected to get a job in a good MNC…

You dream of buying a new pair of sandals and I, of buying a flat in the marine drive…

You just want to visit a new restaurant every weekend and my appetite yearn for that maa K haath ka Khaana..

You still crave for more and I, just want to have something to suffice me because that’s all…

It’s different right..

You know why it is just different?

Because you are the 10-year younger me and I am the 20-year old me.